Our Lives As We Know It
by McRibbles
Summary: Kenny, Eric, and Kyle are now 19 and starting college. While there, they find themselves intrigued by Kenny's roommate, Jade McMillan. But she has just as many dark secrets as the boys do and it's up to Kenny to uncover them.
1. Prologue

_My story takes place at the University of Colorado. My friends and I are now 19 years old. Many of our lives have changed for the better, some for the worse. _

_Kyle got into acting during high school, it made him feel like he truly belonged and got him away from Cartman. Unfortunately, it was also his worst enemy from time to time. He began dating Bebe freshman year, but they broke up one year later due to his commitment to the theater. His busy schedule also put a dent in his friendship with Stan. And it didn't help that Stan decided to go to college outside of Colorado. Kyle couldn't deal with the fact that his best friend was leaving and found comfort in Token. _

_Stan, as we already explained, decided to go to college elsewhere. The reason being to stay close to Wendy. Though they broke up from time to time, they were still together by the time graduation rolled around. He was sad about leaving behind his best friend Kyle, but he knew that if he stayed, he would regret it for the rest of his life. _

_Eric is still the same old Jew hating jerk he's always been, but there have been a few positive changes in his life since the 4th grade. After being told he was pre-diabetic, he decided to get his life together and lose some weight. His weight loss has made him a better looking guy, but unfortunately his horrible personality drives girls away. If it weren't for Mr. Garrison being tired of him, he most likely wouldn't have graduated. After receiving some help from a very reluctant Mr. Mackey, Eric swore off many of his crimes. No longer does he feed children their parents. Unfortunately, some of his behavior has started to rub off on Kyle's brother Ike, and although we hate to say it, they are quite the pair of dildos. _

_Butters actually found that he was a genius underneath all of his eccentric personality. He dropped out of high school at 16 (causing him to get grounded by his parents) and moved in with Stan and his family, opting to work in the geology field with Randy. The Marshes came to love Butters, who now decided to publish a book titled __How I Got My Life Together __under the name Leopold Stotch. He's going off to a technical school sometime soon to get a degree so he can get a real job. _

_As for me, well you think you can guess what I've been up to, right? Just dying like usual, huh? Wrong. For a while, I isolated myself from my friends, trying to spare them the trouble of watching me die again and again, not that the remember. The only friend I had during middle school was Karen. When I entered high school I got a job in order to help support my family. With a little help from Mysterion I was able to get accepted into the University of Colorado, which is where my friends and I are now. I have no regrets about the lives I've lived, and I don't plan on changing it now. My name is Kenny McCormick, and this is my story. _


	2. Chapter 1: Sleeping With Girls?

**A/N: Hello readers! This story is an idea that came to me through my love for the show South Park and the character of Kenny. The main characters are mostly Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman (plus the main girls), but other characters (Stan and Butters) will be featured. But if there is a large request to feature any other character, I will find a way to work them in. I tried to be as accurate as possible with personalities and everything. Okay, now we can move on the story!**

**Characters mentioned are the property of South Park (Trey Parker and Matt Stone) Angel, Bertha, and Jade and all characters associated with them are mine. **

It was a beautiful September day in Denver, Colorado. It was very calm and peaceful on the University of Colorado campus. I never knew a college could be so peaceful. It sure is different from elementary school, that's for sure. I had no idea what to expect. Luckily I had my friends, Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski by my side. I'm really happy we all decided to go to same college, or that we got into college at all. But after all the challenges we dealt with back in South Park, college should be a walk in the park.

"Wow, so this is what a college campus really looks like. It's nothing like the brochure." said Kyle. It really was phenomenal. There were many large buildings, and although they resembled regular buildings, they were still so surreal. "Would you calm down, you stupid Jew? It's just a bunch of buildings." replied Cartman. It was still so hard to believe that this tiny little jerk was once the fattest kids in the fourth grade. I figured it would be that way again soon. After all, he did pack an entire suitcase of Cheesy Poofs (I figured that was his mother's doing).

I did a scan around campus. It was the first time in a long time that I didn't have a hood around my head, and the chill of the autumn weather was really hitting me. A lot of the students wore light jackets, just like Kyle and Cartman, but I was wearing what was left of my beloved orange parka. I have had this ratty old thing for almost my entire life, and there was no way I was going to part with it. The hood was barely attached and it was covered in patches from all the times my childhood shenanigans got me injured. It was one of the only memories of the past I would never part with.

"Hey Kenny, did you hear that the dorms this year are co-ed?" asked my ginger friend. I was completely absorbed in the reality that I of all people was on a college campus. I was the first McCormick to go to an actual college, and I couldn't have been happier. "Wait...you mean boys and girls sharing rooms...together?" I asked Kyle. I was having mixed feelings about this. I mean, I liked girls and everything, but rooming with one?

"I for one am not sleeping with no girls. Having to listen to all the crying and waking up in the morning to find tampons all over the floor, and the she's crying again, saying, 'Oh the pain is unbearable. Hold me Eric, better yet, make love to me because I'm vulnerable.'" said Eric. Kyle and I stared at him in disbelief. "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? Girls are not like that. At least Karen isn't." I replied.

"God Keeny. We've only been here 10 minutes and you've already worked your dumb sister into the conversation." Cartman complained. God, do I wanna punch him. Why does he have to be such a dick? "Shut the fuck up dumbass, let's go see our dorm assignments." Kyle said. We walked through the campus until we reached a small desk in front of a hall. Behind the desk was a small blonde haired girl with bright blue eyes and one of those overly friendly smiles. "Hello, I'm Bertha. Welcome to University of Colorado. Give me your name and I'll give you your dorm room." she said.

Kyle and Cartman gave the girl their names, and she handed them pieces of paper with their room numbers on them. I stepped forward and told the girl my name. "Kenny McCormick, you are in the co-ed section. Be nice to your roommate." Bertha said with a smile. Kyle, Cartman, and I began walking towards the dorms.

"Just great, I have to share a room with the stupid Jew." Cartman complained. Kyle rolled his eyes at the former fatass. "Look on the bright side Eric, at least you're not rooming with a girl." I told him. To be honest, I didn't know if this was good or bad. But I was about to find out. We were approaching the co-ed hall. I said goodbye to my friends and walked inside.

It was a complete train wreck inside. There were couples making out in the hallway, and a few screams could be heard from inside the rooms. There were several stains on the carpet, ranging from blood to a alcohol, and even what I would assume is semen. After a slow, observant walk, I finally reached my dorm room. I was absolutely terrified of who I would find on the other side of the door. I grabbed the doorknob and slowly turned. As the door opened, I caught a glimpse of her, my new roommate.

She turned around, flipping her chin length blonde hair in the process, and exposing her baby blue eyes. She gave me a big, adorable smile as she reached her hand out to me. "Hi, you must be my new roommate. My name is Jade McMillian. Nice to meet you." she said, shaking my hand.


	3. Chapter 2: Kanye West Doesn't Care

**A/N: There are a few things I should probably explain before we begin. First of all, while this is mainly Kenny's story. Some of the chapters will take place from other's POVs. It depends of the plot line. **

**Second, I apologize for the random scenes that sometimes feature celebrities or just random crap. I'm just trying to add humor and contain the random, fun references that the show has. **

**Lastly, while the majority of the story features male/female couples, there will be references to same sex couples later on. Just a warning, don't post negative reviews just because of that. **

**Okay, now on the the chapter. **

I was in complete and utter shock at the girl standing before me. She was beautiful, and I hardly use that word. She had a sparkling and a voice as soothing as melting butter. Darn, now I'm hungry. Anyways, I stood there like a bumbling idiot, staring at this girl that I would living with.

"You look really familiar. I've seen that orange parka before..." she said, motioning to my parka, which I was still wearing, even though it felt like a sauna in the room all of a sudden.

"I've worn this almost my entire life. I'm Kenny." I answered, feeling as though she was staring me up and down.

"Oh my gosh! I think I recognize you! You're from South Park! I lived there for a while before my father and I moved away." Jade said, flashing an adorable smile.

It was hard to believe that anybody from that shit town could be that beautiful. She was something extraordinary. She had one of those inviting personalities that could captivate you the minute you entered the room. She had lived in the same town as me and I didn't even notice here? Now that just seemed ludicrous.

"Yeah...I'm from South Park. My family and I lived in the poorest section of town." I said, rubbing the back of my head. Why did I tell her that? I didn't want her to know I was poor, or even who I was, just in case she had a problem with my family.

"Cool. It's very nice to meet you, Kenny. I hope we can get along in this room together!" she said, unpacking her suitcase. She gave me another smile as she proceeded to place clothing in her dresser drawers.

The conversation quickly became awkward. I was supposed to live with this girl for four years? With no supervision or rules to create boundaries? Perhaps I should set them. I don't want this girl to get the wrong impression.

"Listen, Jade, since we're going to be living together, shouldn't we set some guidelines? You know, to avoid complications?" I asked my roommate. She looked at me incredulously as if she was offended that I was already trying to control the situation.

Oh shit, I was acting just like Wendy Testaburger.

"Uh...I guess I see how this would be awkward for you, but I assure you, it will be just like having a little sister. As long as I don't come home to you wearing my bras, I don't think we'll have a problem."

Oh, so she's got a sense of humor? Perhaps living with this girl won't be so bad after all. She seems pretty cool, not that I'd know what cool is. After all, I did spend my childhood hanging out with the fattest motherfucker in Colorado.

Our talk was interrupted by a knock in the door, followed by the door opening. What was the point of knocking? In the doorway stands a black guy wearing a suit (that looks expensive) with some Jordans and gold chains. He wore some shutter shades on his face and every finger had a silver or gold ring on it.

"Sup children. My name is Kanye West. I'm the math teacher at this University. Imma let you finish talking, but I just wanted to come meet the fortunate students who get to have me as an educator. That's all." said the egomaniac. And with that, he left. The awkwardness in the room increased.

"That was seriously the most fucked up thing that has every happened." said Jade. We both looked at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. Kanye West as a teacher? That's hilarious. Kanye West doesn't care about math. Kanye West only cares about Kanye West.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and looked at Jade, who had resumed unpacking. God, was she something extraordinary. She was different from any girl I had ever met, which was weird considering she did come from South Park. I guess that town doesn't screw people up as much as I thought.

I placed my suitcase on the bed and began removing my parka. I folded it neatly and placed it on top of my unopened suitcase. I stood in the doorway awkwardly before speaking to my roommate, "Hey Jade, listen. It was nice to meet you and everything, but I gotta step out for a minute. I have to go see how my friends are holding up. I'll send you later."

Jade looked up from her unpacking, with a hint of sadness in her eyes. It was almost as if she didn't want me to leave. It's not like we live together or anything. With a sigh, she said, "Alright Kenny. I'll see you. Maybe I can meet your friends sometime?"

Who is she kidding? Cartman would hate her. She's all good and sweet and adorable, the kind of thing he despises. Kyle, however, might be okay with her, but she might remind him of Wendy, which will remind him of Stan, which will start the ultimate shit storm. I am NOT fixing Kyle's emotions again.

I stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I leaned up against the door, thinking about the situation I now found myself in. I was living with a girl, Kanye West was my teacher, and I had to go to school with Eric Cartman. Only one question came to mind.

What the fuck had I gotten myself into?

**A/N: Kanye West as a math teacher?! Oh boy. Hate to say it, but Kanye will play an important part in the story. Next chapter will feature Cartman &amp; Kyle and will be told in Kyle's POV. Thanks for reading. Review, favorite, follow, read, whatever you fancy. **


	4. Chapter 3: Kyle Gets Chosen

**This chapter takes place in Kyle's POV**

Eric and I had just gotten settled into our room and decided to go explore the dormitory. It looked just like one of those old hotel hallways. Not really much excitement, which is surprising considering its a boys dorm. I was expecting more condom wrappers strewn throughout the building.

There was one door that peaked my interest though. It was at the end of the hallway and covered with yellow caution tape. My curiosity was killing me inside, but as I've learned, it's best not to ask questions. Unfortunately, Eric wasn't so smart.

"Hey Kyle. Do you think someone was murdered behind that door? Or there's some kind of orgy going on?" he asked. I literally wanted to slap him, but that wasn't a shock. He has to be the biggest idiot in the whole state.

"No, you idiot. Nobody does that anymore. This is 2015. Everybody knows the big things nowadays are weed and selfie sticks." I explained, even though I didn't know anything about recent pop culture. The only way I even know about these things was Ike, who always seemed to know what was cool. It must be a Canadian thing.

"Shut the fuck up you stupid Jew. I was just making a guess. Besides, you have no idea what's cool. You hang out with Stan." said my nemesis. Oh man, do I hate him. He's such an evil human being.

Suddenly, the door opened and out came a girl. She was tall, skinny, and blonde. She was one of those girls that the adults would call trouble. I assumed that because of the tape on the door, and the fact that she was the only girl in a boys dormitory, that she was going to be a problem.

"Did I just hear you say that one of you was a Jew? Because those are my people," Cartman and I stared at her with confusion for a moment before she continued, "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Angel, no last name provided. I'm the Christian Grey of this campus, your worst fucking nightmare. Chains and whips are my hobbies, latex is my style, and Jews are my enemies."

In an instant, it all made sense. I managed to put together everything about this girl in a matter of seconds. She hates Jews, she's a bitch, and she is possibly fucked up in every way possible. I didn't know how I felt about a girl like that, but the only word that came to mind was terrified. Before I could contemplate any other emotions, I felt her hand grab my shirt by the collar.

"You're exactly the kind of guy I would have a lot of fun with. You would look good with a gag in your mouth, Jew. I just ordered a brand new wooden paddle with your name on it." she looked at me with hungry eyes. She wasn't looking at me like i was a human, but rather like I was a freshly grilled steak. I'd been here less than a day, and already i felt like my life was over. I'd gotten myself into a sticky situation with the local dominatrix, and not at all was I excited.

Don't get me wrong, Angel was something to look at indeed. She had long blonde hair tied into a ponytail, and big, bright, blue eyes. She was dressed just like any other college girl, she wore a lavender tank top and a bright pink skirt. The skirt was short enough that it exposed her legs, which were long, slender, and incredible.

She reminded me of Bebe, blonde and beautiful. That being said, I felt no attraction to her whatsoever. And I had absolutely no desire to be her little sex toy.

She dragged me into her room, closing the door behind us. I could hear Cartman laughing behind the door. Dick. She laid me down on a surgical table. Where the hell did she get a surgical table? I took a look around the room as she walked into another room.

All over the walls were those Hang In There Baby posters. You know, the ones with the cat hanging from the tree branch? The only thing was that they had had drawings on them that made the situations seem dangerous. For example, on poster had a lava pit drawn below the cat, and another featured a woodchipper. This girl was seriously demented.

That wasn't the worst part. I noticed a dartboard out of the corner of my eye. I thought it very odd for a girl to have a dartboard. Until I saw the picture on it. It was the most appalling thing I had ever seen in my life.

There were no darts in the picture, they were circled around it. Darts stuck in a circular formation around this one face. The one face I never thought I'd see again.

Trent Boyett.

It was official. This girl was fucking insane. She was a BDSM freak, she hated Jews, and she had a dartboard of Trent Boyett's face. It all seemed to piece together.

She was the female version of Eric Cartman.

Oh man, what have I gotten myself into?

**A/N: I'm so late on my deadline, and I apologize. I'm trying to figure out which direction I want Angel's character to go. **

**And no, she's not a love interest for Kyle. But she does have some very interesting secrets. **

**So, how does she know Trent? All will be revealed later. **


	5. Chapter 4: Cartman Makes a Triangle

**Back to Kenny's POV**

It was 2 more hours before I saw Cartman. We were sitting at a local coffee shop having some drinks. He told me all about how Kyle got dragged into some girls room.

"Well...was she hot at least?" I asked my brunette friend. It would be a miracle for Kyle to jump in the sack with a girl on the first day of college. Not that Kyle's a bad looking guy. In fact, he could be a potentially wonderful boyfriend, but I mean, he didn't even have his first girlfriend until high school.

"Yeah man, she was totally bangin'. But man, she was crazy, talking about whips and shit." Only Eric Cartman would use the word bangin'. I stopped listening at that point. I honestly didn't care. It's not like Cartman has any good taste in girls anyway.

Just then I noticed a familiar head of blonde hair approaching. Oh no. It was Jade. She was at the counter, ordering what I assume was some kind of frappucino. She was wearing a hot pink hoodie and a pair of tight blue jeans.

God, she looked adorable. She could wear anything and still look like she was runway material. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, and she was wearing no makeup, like she was earlier.

"Holy crap, Kenny, look at that girl over there. She is totally bangin'." whispered Cartman from across the table. I looked around the building, trying to figure out who he was referring to. I noticed he was looking at the counter, where Jade was standing.

"Cartman, no. That's my roommate, Jade. You can't like her. It's weird." I said, slightly disturbed. On the upside, now we know that Cartman is not only straight, but also has good taste in girls.

"Screw you Kenny. I'm totally gonna have sex with her. I don't care what you say. You'll hear us going at it all night." he whispered to me. It was honestly disgusting. I mean, yes, I'm dirty minded. Yes, I like sex as much as the next guy, but the way Cartman was talking about Jade was just vulgar.

"Shut the fuck up, Cartman!" I yelled, receiving stares from most of the people in the shop, including Jade. She began walking towards our table, smiling directly at me.

"Hi Kenny. I wasn't expecting to see you here." she said. Did she not expect me to be at a coffee shop on the campus of the college I'm currently attending? Is she really a dumb blonde or what?

I waved at her shyly, "Um, hi Jade. This is my friend, Eric Theodore Cartman." I said, motioning to Cartman, who was already staring at all Jade had to offer. Which was quite a lot, not that I had taken notice.

Cartman flashed me a dirty look for using his middle name in front of a girl. I don't think Jade noticed, and if she did, she certainly didn't care. She just stood there grinning that adorable grin.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Eric Theodore Cartman. Any friend of Kenny's is a friend of mine. But wasn't there another boy you said you had to meet? Kyle?" she asked.

Cartman interrupted me as I was speaking, "He's not worth your time. He's a ginger, and Jew, and from Jersey. He's the worst possible human being you could want to know. But I'm single, if you're interested." he said with a wink.

I rolled my eyes at Cartman's attempt to flirt. Jade, however, seemed to be quite pleased as she began giggling like an adorable idiot.

"I'll keep that in mind when I'm looking for my next boyfriend." as she said these words, she seemed to be looking right at me.

The way I put it, was that Cartman wanted Jade, but Jade appeared to have some sort of interest in me.

And I had no idea what I want.

I just got here and shit's already hitting the fan.

**A/N: Things are getting interesting! Everybody gets a love interest, but you can't really tell who ends up with who. We'll find out what the hell happened to Kyle in Angel's death pit next chapter. We'll also get to see Stan and Butters! Find out what they've been up to. **

**Fav, follow, review, do your thing. **


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